By Sarah Jost
I’m not usually the introspective type, but lately I’ve found myself in a near-constant state of anxiety and have been trying to figure out why. After years of saving, I’m finally back abroad and living what should be a pretty carefree, backpacker-type lifestyle. Instead, I have been more stressed than I have been in quite a while.
As a typically action-oriented person, making myself stop, think, and examine my current feelings has been a bit of a challenge. Instead of trying to figure out why I’m feeling so stressed out, my first instinct is to do something different. In the past, the ‘something different’ that has motivated me through difficult times has been travelling. Imagine the conundrum then when I am finally traveling and find myself anxiety-ridden. Where to go from here?
Given the complexity of the dilemma, I soon realised I had no choice but to actually sit down and (gulp) think and talk about how I was feeling. What are the things causing me stress? While I don’t yet have a job in New Zealand, I’m still working a bit for my job in Vermont, writing, and WWOOFing (working on organic farms in exchange for room and board.) After a long day of farm work, I often have to retreat to my room to work while the other WWOOFers chat over tea or watch a movie. When not WWOOFing, there are the added stresses of finding somewhere to sleep any given night (and paying for it), finding internet to work (not in easy task in a mostly rural country of just 4 million people), and paying for food, gas, and unexpected things like tyres (thanks, evil nail of doom) without much of an income. Finding a place to sleep every night and budgeting on a shoestring are things I’ve been looking forward to about travelling, but I feel so worried about fulfilling all of my obligations that these normally fun challenges have become just another overwhelming thing to worry about.
A chicken's got to eat!
So it turns out that while I spent most of my time in Vermont pining for a life of travel, things were, on a day to day basis, considerably less stressful. I had an income, a bed, and ample scheduled time to fulfill any necessary duties. But I would most certainly rather be travelling. So what to do? I can’t stop working because I need the money. Urchinism is what I want to do for the rest of my life, and I want to be working on it more rather than less. Everyone always says to travel before you have kids, a mortgage, etc. Luckily, I can check both those boxes. Unfortunately, they forget to mention your life’s passion. I know I want to work on the Urchin Movement, and every moment I’m not I feel terrible.
Free WIFI: the only reason an Urchin will ever set foot in a McDonald's.
Not one for defeat and retreat, however, I am currently gearing up to battle this dilemma head on. I am going to travel, and I’m going to enjoy it, goshdarnit! I think I may have spread myself a wee bit too thin over the past few months, but I am about to turn myself instead into a nice chunky chutney. I think I’ll begin by tackling one of my oldest and biggest downfalls: procrastination. I’ll do my work two weeks in advance if I have to! If by some miracle I find myself somewhere with free internet, you can bet the farm that I’m going to use it until everything I know I have to do for the foreseeable future is done. This will undoubtedly be a challenge, but I think it just might work. Where there’s an Urchin, there’s a way!
Nothing lowers your overhead like cooking in a van!
